Borrowed Language: Why the Words We Use Matter When Helping Clients

When someone comes to a lawyer, they are often dealing with a problem they never expected to face. The last thing they need is to feel like they are speaking a different language.

A recent column in the Illinois Bar Journal, titled “Borrowed Language,” explores a simple but important idea: building trust and respect through the way we communicate.

That idea has particular importance in estate planning, elder law, probate, and family law. These are areas where clients are often making deeply personal decisions, dealing with uncertainty, or trying to protect the people they love.

And sometimes, the most effective way to help is to start with the client’s own words.

What Does “Borrowed Language” Mean?

In a legal setting, borrowed language can mean using the words and expressions a client already understands to explain something unfamiliar.

A lawyer might understand the legal concept as “testamentary capacity.”

A client might say:

“I’m worried my mother isn’t able to make decisions anymore.”

Those phrases may describe related concerns, but they are not equally useful in a conversation with a family member who is frightened and looking for help.

A lawyer who listens carefully can take the client’s language and use it as a bridge to the legal explanation.

Instead of beginning with a complicated definition, the conversation might begin:

“Let’s talk about what you’ve noticed and what decisions your mother is still able to make.”

That approach does not make the law less precise. It makes the law more understandable.

Why Language Matters in Estate Planning

Estate planning involves concepts that can be difficult even when someone is calm and prepared.

Clients may need to understand:

• Revocable living trusts
• Powers of attorney
• Guardianship
• Probate
• Beneficiary designations
• Medicaid planning
• Estate and gift taxes
• Trust funding
• Incapacity planning

But clients generally do not come into the office thinking in those terms.

They come in saying things like:

• “I don’t want my kids fighting.”
• “I want to make sure my wife is taken care of.”
• “What happens if I can’t make decisions anymore?”
• “I don’t want my family to have to go through probate.”
• “I want my daughter to be able to help me.”
• “I don’t want everything I worked for to disappear.”

Those statements are not merely informal descriptions. They are clues to the client’s goals.

A good estate plan begins by understanding what the client is actually trying to accomplish.

The Difference Between Explaining and Connecting

A lawyer can explain a legal concept correctly and still fail to make the client feel understood.

For example, consider the difference between these two explanations:

Technical explanation:

“A financial power of attorney authorizes your agent to act on your behalf with respect to property and financial matters.”

Client-centered explanation:

“If you become unable to manage your finances, this document allows someone you trust to step in and pay your bills, manage your accounts, and handle your financial affairs.”

Both explanations describe the same general legal tool.

But the second one connects the document to a real-life concern.

That is often what clients need most.

Borrowing a Client’s Words Can Reveal the Real Problem

Sometimes a client’s first question is not the question they ultimately need answered.

A person may ask:

“Do I need a trust?”

But what they may really mean is:

“How do I make sure my children don’t have to deal with a complicated legal process after I’m gone?”

Another client may ask:

“Can I put my house in my daughter’s name?”

But the underlying concern may be:

“How do I make sure someone can help me if I become incapacitated?”

Another may ask:

“Can I leave everything to my spouse?”

But the real concern may be:

“How do I provide for my spouse while also making sure my children are protected?”

Listening to the language behind the question can help an attorney identify the legal and personal issues that matter most.

Plain English Does Not Mean Oversimplifying the Law

There is an important distinction between plain English and inaccurate legal advice.

A lawyer should never sacrifice accuracy merely to make an explanation sound simple.

For example, it is helpful to say:

“A power of attorney can allow someone you trust to manage your finances if you become unable to do so.”

But it is also important to explain that the document has specific legal requirements, that the agent must act within the authority granted, and that the document should be carefully drafted.

The goal is not to eliminate legal terminology.

The goal is to make sure the client understands what the terminology means.

The Same Principle Applies to Probate

Probate is another area where language can create unnecessary confusion.

A client may hear the word “probate” and immediately think:

“The court is going to take everything.”

That is not how probate works.

A more useful explanation is:

“Probate is the court-supervised process used to administer certain estates. It can involve identifying assets, paying valid debts and expenses, and distributing property to the people entitled to receive it.”

That explanation gives the client a clearer picture without pretending that every probate estate is simple.

It also creates an opportunity to discuss whether a trust, beneficiary designation, or other planning tool may help accomplish the client’s goals.

Trust Is Built Through Small Conversations

Trust is not created only when a client signs documents.

It is built through the entire relationship.

It can be built when an attorney:

• Returns a phone call.
• Explains a delay.
• Admits when more information is needed.
• Answers a question without making the client feel embarrassed.
• Explains what happens next.
• Uses the client’s name for a family member or loved one.
• Remembers what the client said was most important.
• Takes time to explain a document before asking someone to sign it.

These actions may seem small, but they communicate something important:

“You are not just another file. I understand that this matters to you.”

Why This Matters for Families

Estate planning is often about more than documents.

It is about relationships.

A parent may be trying to protect a child with special needs. A spouse may be trying to make sure the other spouse is cared for. Adult children may be trying to help an aging parent without taking away that parent’s independence.

Those conversations require more than legal knowledge.

They require patience, empathy, and careful listening.

When an attorney uses language that reflects the client’s concerns, the client is more likely to understand the plan—and more likely to feel comfortable asking questions.

A Better Question for Every Legal Conversation

Instead of asking only:

“What legal document does this client need?”

It can be helpful to ask:

“What is this client trying to accomplish, and what words are they using to describe it?”

That question can change the conversation.

It can help the attorney identify the client’s priorities, explain the available options, and create a plan that is not only legally sound but also meaningful to the person signing it.

The Bottom Line

The idea behind “borrowed language” is a useful reminder that trust often begins with being understood.

For lawyers, that means listening carefully, using language clients recognize, and explaining legal concepts in a way that connects to real-life concerns.

For clients, it means you should never feel embarrassed to ask your attorney to explain something again, or to explain it in a different way.

The law may be complicated. Your understanding of your own estate plan should not have to be.

If you have questions about your estate plan, probate, powers of attorney, or protecting your family’s future, contact the Law Office of Jonathan W. Cole P.C. at (708) 529-7794 Your Neighborhood Law Firm.